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By shanyy · June 5, 2013

One of the many things I fell in love with you is because your sweetness. The way you were sweet towards me well sweet and kind and also to other people as well. You were always so pleasant to talk to because you were so nice with the words. I know at first I wasn't over the top about it at first well may be because what I feared back then have came true now. I can't seem to go through a day without you being frustrated at something and saying all the words out like fuck is one of your most favorite word. To be honest I hardly ever heard you saying that in front of me last time because we never used it in a insulting way before. But now, you just seem to be out of control and always being frustrated at little things, little thing... Little things is little things I don't understand why you are making it big. You wasn't like this. Of course you wasn't.. Because if not you would have proven me that you are just like the same of every other guy I have met. I thought you were different. Now thinking it all back.. I miss how gently with words you were. How nicely you spoke without adding any unwanted word or just looking on the bright side and not swearing here and there. Yes I miss your old you. I can't recognize the new one, I don't want to. Because it would be like just like every other guy. Where is you? Where is the part of you that I fell in love with? Where?

For you

By shanyy · May 25, 2013

I hope that you read this soon. Because I want you to know that now life is so hard without you. Everything is just so hard. Basic stuff is haunting me. I want you in my life, I need you in my life. It's only you in my life. And with everything that's going on very thing seems like its going the wrong direction. I am missing out of your everyday life and I am afraid that we might drift apart. And I'm afraid that as time goes by, you might thing that I don't love you as much as I used it. But that isn't true, it isn't rue at all in fact. Because I have realized that the l love I have for you isn't any ordinary love. It's a love that is very strong and I will die without you. We share a strange bond between each other and I don't know when will the day come when we will fully understand it. But what is between us, I want it to stay because its very strong. I promised you that I wouldn't leave because when I made that promise I was actually looking at you and the things your eyes told me that you been through without me made a hole in my heart. Because now I know that the cost of love also comes with the pain. Please I want you to know that you are my pain and also my joy. Please know that its you only you in my life. I don't know how to tell this to you because never have a ever have such a strong feeling for anyone else in my life. And this is sometimes that I do not know how to explain. It's hard to explain. You are my life now. I'm your safekeeping. You are mine. As everything that is mine, I place it upon you. Safe and sound. I love you. I know that there is a life ahead of me. But the life ahead of me isn't really the life I want if it is without you. You are my world, you are my everything so If people is going to talk I wouldn't mind because my world is you not them. Do you know what scares me the most right now. At first it was death because since young I was scared of not knowing what will happen after that. But now this love have over come it and I'm scared of losing you the most. Without you it's just like death. Losing you would be losing myself too.

I want to make it through

By shanyy · May 4, 2012

So much stuff have been going on, feel so alone and killing in the inside. Its like nothing really works. Every moment. Every single moment when you think that your that particular problem is just over. And before you start having that little celebration inside your heart. Something somewhere will always pop out and proof you that happiness doesn't exist. Not at all. Yes I feel so torn and shatters inside right now. So much I wanted and still want but nothing nothing is wanting me back..

Fear kills haunts and suffocate

By shanyy · March 10, 2012

The fear that you always have and hope it does not come true.. Because once it does, it hurt like hell and it feels like there is nothing else in this world that would ever heel it and if it ever does it still makes you feel empty inside. Sometimes you badly want thing in life, but you can't get everything in life that you want. Sometimes you badly want something from someone.. Now I know that everything you want, they will. But how about the things about you, around you. It's something that I find hard to explain. Its a feeling in me that can't really express or even explain itself. I fear of losin you.

I need

By shanyy · January 20, 2012

I need time, no not that time, I just want to breathe. Everything is going at a speech of lighting that I don't even know where at point of am I standing at. Of scared of life to the max ttm right now, I want time but it's like time is the only thing I don't have in my life, everything is so fast I know I shouldnt be thinking of time if not it will move faster but it's so fast that it's difficuilt catching up with it. My phone just drop.... Cold down you. I don't want tO be like her, I am not her. Please she does this always happen when she is here. Are is it the thinking. Shouldn't be thinking that much. Survive today would be good...


By shanyy · January 14, 2012

turning page

By shanyy · January 14, 2012

i have waited a thousands years
but i will wait a million more, for you
nothing prepared me for
what the privilege of being yours would do
if i have only felt the warmth within your touch
if i have only seen how you smile when you blush
or how you curl your lips when you concentrate enough
what i would have known what i was living for
or what i have been living for
your love is my turning page
only the sweet words remain
every kisses is the cursive line
every touch is a redefining phrase
i surrender who i been for who you are
for nothing makes me stronger then your fragile heart
is i have only felt how it feels to be yours,
i would have known for what i have been living for all long, for what i was living for..........
we are tethered to the story, we must tell
when i saw you
well i knew you, we will tell it well
with the whisper
we will tame
the vicious senses
like a feather
bringing kingdoms
to their knee...

Where do I go from here

By shanyy · December 20, 2011

It's all coming down when I tot that it was all going to be great. What a fool, may be this is why I am so afraid and all, afraid of all this thing. I want him to be the one for me, I want to go far away from here and don't look back, live a life and just life it till the end. With all this come and go people, first of all I am tired of getting hurt every single fucking moment ! I have a life ok and that is mine to write and live, not for fucked up people out of no where to come and write it ! No way. Yeah I am angry right now, fucking angry at myself for all this, why me always Is my fav question. It's hurts just so you know. Tear you apart slowing from the inside. I don't know what to say anymore , I just want to live my life and go away

I'm sorry

By shanyy · November 30, 2011

I am scared it will fate away I don't want it to fate away, that's why I tell you not to tell me those things. I know it's rude (veryhurtful) to me as well but I'm scared. Because I know it that it can happen anytime anyday, I do wake up with the same fear thinking that if you Are still there for me in life. Anyone can change when day even time, depending on their thoughts , guess what, I am one of them. I am thats why I am always so concern and all , all the time. I hope that one day you will know and see why I was always pushing you away and deep inside I am hoping that like you said hope that one day does not come because i know slash you know that i am good.


By shanyy · November 25, 2011

I don't want anyone in my life, I cannot guaranty that I would be the same person back, I really cant because I know myself I know how I am and what I have done in my life. People say that they feel insure when people are unknown to them, for me, the more to get to know me the more I will feel insecure with you and when it finally comes to close I snatch and pull myself away without saying a soul goodbye. How I wish I could just go away from this world and just leave it and just done say a soul goodbye. I hate what I do to people when they are to near to me
. I don't need a babysitter in my life. I don't. I will die alone because I was born alone. This is a fucked up society that I leave me, I hate it all. All of it. I don't want to be here, I don't belong here.... It all ends up all kind of stuff each time. I can't love someone forever I don't know what forever Is , is there even a word like that. I am typing with fucking sleepy eyes I'm off bye I dot want anyone to follow in behind me in my life Just stay by the side and don't over do it.